I Have No Trachea, Larynx or Vocal Cords and I Must Scream

Ignore, for the moment, that real fish lack not only eyelids but the vocal apparatus necessary to emit a blood-curdling cry of terror. Ignore, if you can, that it is a good thing they do, lest that sound would haunt you until the end of days, forever ruining every trip to the fish taco stand.

One of the hooks which must have initially sold United Feature Syndicate on Garfield Back in the Day, is the exciting opportunity to peek inside the psyches of our housepets. What's Kitty Thinkin'? This anthropomorphic comic exploration of how cats is just like people and people ain't so different from awful cats is pushed into realms of near-abstraction by strips in which Garfield interacts with various other pets, vermin, the occasional sentient houseplant, and even inanimate objects.

In this case, we are offered a dramatic expansion of the common sight of a cat looking at a fish. Usually these Garfields are about the cat's predatory instinct and/or sadism, muted by domesticity into meanness and bullying. This one hinges also on posturing, both from the fish and Garfield. This is not totally alien, as the sense that cats are trying very hard to look cool and aloof is often hard to avoid. The specifics of this story, though, are nearing the breaking point with any reality.

Consider, then: how does a bowled fish, fresh to the house, know Garfield by reputation? Why isn't the fish scared, since if the cat is indeed known as "tough," then it is for eating every fish brought into the house? Is Garfield "tough," or does he act tough only he knows he can win?

On the other hand, what we have is a scenario in which an tiny, defenseless creature has been placed in a vulnerable situation. He sees the natural predator that will inevitably eat him alive, and decides that if he's going out, he's going to be brave. The hunter will have none of that, and ensures his prey is going to face oblivion screaming at the top of his non-existent lungs.

Maybe none of this is what is really going on when a cat stares into a fishbowl. Or maybe that is exactly how the universe works.

The Cat and the Cannery

Panel 1: Between the snooty expression and extended pinky, Jon's body language while reading food labels to Garfield is one of a man trying to placate his friend's unhappiness with reality by gussying up the ugly truth. This is even funnier because the circumstance is his cat's dislike of gross canned food.

Also: is Jon reading from an unopened can? It is not outside the realm of possibility that there's a second can of the same food, but why confuse the issue?

Panel 2: That's a "pie"?

Panel 3: Garfield's sudden enthusiasm for the meal has nothing to do with how good vulture may taste, but in a scavenger becoming the scavenged. Garfield is motivated by A) the sense of satisfaction and purpose we derive from seeing karmic justice dispensed, and B) the sense of power derived from participating in the same. There's an uneasy tinge of sadism in the scenario for those in the witness stand, but stranger still is our hero's personal vindication. What have vultures ever done to Garfield? Picked over his corpse and disgorged strips of his fatty orange flesh into the open mouths of their young? Certainly not. Perhaps it is the pride of a hunter, in this case the domestic cat, who resents the parasitic air that scavengers have been shouldered with in human anthropomorphic thinking. I doubt it, since Garfield does not look down on thievery, underhandedness or laziness. Instead, he just enjoys exerting power over a creature that has been weakened, sapped of challenge and ground into a brown paste. Garfield is a bully, even when taking unmotivated revenge on a bowl of reeking canned sludge.

The Lost Skeleton of Cat-avra

Yes Garfield, not "I hope I don't die", but "I hope you brought a snack."

Panel One: We already know what Dr. Wilson's receptionist, Nel, looks like, so why not show her? A) her appearance was just a punchline sight gag about how ugly she is, and seeing her in this context might be distracting. B) the panel's a little crowded for Garfield as it is. C) it's easier not to deal with people's reactions to seeing a cat walk on its hind legs.

Panel Two: It's an unfair complaint to criticize comics reality which I always allow to warp reality to best tell a joke. The zoom-in reveal places the skeleton closer to Garfield than it could have been in panel one, but that's totally okay. Not-okay is that the skeleton - smaller than Garfield, and without a tail - seems to be that of a baby hippo.

Panel Three: I'd like to think Garfield doesn't think a mere snack can save him, and has just accepted that the waiting room shall be his death chamber. He would've asked for a snack anyway.

As Jon Lay Dying

Progressively wrinklier shirt: it adds visual stimulation, and enhances the sickening pathos of this gag about a man feigning terminal illness in failed exchange for affection! It's days like today that should be archived to remind the world that Garfield is the blackest thing on the American comics page. Take that, Boondocks!

It is very sweet that Garfield wants to tell Jon he sympathizes. It is typical Garfield that he just sprawls on the table like an undemonstrative orange blob, even while knowing Jon cannot hear the cat say he sympathizes. Thanks Garfield, because you know, this situation wasn't bleak enough.