Live Free or Lie Down, Roll Over

It's the kind of punchline whose brazen cynicism you have to admire, no matter what the political clime of the day. Garfield does not just propose that incarceration may be necessary when crimes have been committed. Nor is he saying that having personal freedoms stripped may be necessary when an individual proposes a substantial threat to the safety of society. Garfield says unrestricted liberty has been ignorantly championed, because it is dangerous.

Is Garfield really a fascist? I doubt it. His rebellious streak is too strong. Garfield's closing comments are usually to be read as sarcasm, and today is no different. "Freedom is overrated" is simultaneously the reasonable conclusion of fear of others, and the ill-reasoned results of a flawed premise. Since Garfield's goals are unambitious to start with, if we subtract the quotient of his cynicism and self-pity, the philosophy is better stated: YOUR freedom is overrated, while mine is sacred.

If one extrapolates Garfield's combined beliefs and desires to a logical conclusion, everything in all creation - except the fulfillment of basic hungers - is overrated. So don't be too shocked when that includes your dearest ideals.

Also: That dog's head is the size of Garfield, who is in turn half as tall as Jon. I know the joke is bolstered by a big dog, but is some kind of Ice Age terror-dog necessary?

Cry for Jon

Two particular points of interest today. Garfield regularly trades in schadenfreude gags, wherein Garfield takes pleasure in Jon or Odie's pain. This visit to the movies provides a sweet-natured and related counterpoint. It's not Liz's sadness that gives Jon happiness, but her need for comfort, which is a natural byproduct of sadness. There's nothing insidious about taking pleasure in the ability to be there for a someone in need, but it is a minor human failing we do not usually admit. In more dire circumstances it is better known as the sin of pride. But Liz is not hurt or sad on a soul-shaking level - the reasons we attend weepy movies are the reasons the Greeks produced tragedy, and ultimately cathartic; the audience in their own way is happy because of their willful immersion in superficial sadness. Because of this we aren't concerned that Jon's exhibiting sociopathic behavior and feeling gleeful while others weep, rather there's a wistful little joke about a man unaccustomed to a social touch feeling his way in the world of interpersonal contact.

Audience Reaction Studies
Whatever the movie is about, surely a bittersweet romance, a real-life drama is happening in the theater, and goes unnoticed by all but the knowing and/or leering elderly woman. The rest of the audience is rapt, and from the neckless soda-sucker to the neck-braced popcorn-eater to the fright-wigged aerobics instructor, in true Garfield fashion, no one looks like they're enjoying themselves.

Besides Liz, who I hope is talking at normal volume during a movie only for expositional purposes, no one is communicating the emotional effects of the film so well as the redhead in the turtleneck. Cartooning crowds of ugly people without distracting from a simple joke is a tricky tightrope. Her one-handed pantomime makes her the only audience member vying for our attention in the packed frame. Also I'm pretty sure her date is one of the Fabulous Furry Freak Brothers.

It's So Glandular II

This is the grand finale, I guess, so grab a cup of coffee and a plate of last night's lasagna. We're gonna be here awhile.

This one's for the fans. The composition echoes Jon's first kiss with Liz some 25 years ago. The poor guy's fashion sense has either degenerated or improved, depending on your stance on '80s cut suits and wide ties. Frankly, there's nothing inherently wrong with a plaid suit if you don't mix patterns with your tie.

Panel 1:
Now I've had my fair share of kisses under the waxing moon, but never found call to execute the stiff-armed death-grip wrist-grab Jon's pulling on Liz. Also it's funny that it force's Jon's lapel to curl up over his arm. The desperation of this stance ("you will NOT get away") leads me to believe this development doesn't force us to reinterpret the last 28 years as Liz totally masking her affection for Jon, but represents a slow erosion of her standards for a mate.

Liz's attire, a modernized, accessorized, sexier update of her 1981 eveningwear, could have been foreshadowingng for the most astute of Garfield students. Said students are probably wondering what Liz did with her yellow purse since leaving the restaurant, though. For those with a continuity bent, July 28 was never established as Jon's birthday until 2001, skipped again in 2002, and has only been granted silly minor gags ever since. Until today it's never been a landmark date.

Good Lord, check out the trolley on Doc Wilson! Maybe I stare at Garfield strips too much, but it's hard to recall anything sexier than Liz's arched back and sultry expression. Nor can I recall any reason for Liz and Jon to call their emotionally wrenching failed dates a "wonderful time."

Panel 2: The difference between the 1981 kiss and 2006 is a floating comics shorthand heart: it means "love". Although today's embrace is not as full-contact and PG-rated, the emotions are different. Except Garfield, that unflappable Buddha of negative virtue, who still stares with chilly disinterested cynicism at his master's folly. What's whirring in that cat-brain is not the shock we were promised by the promotional advertising for this story, but the timeless, coldly bemused refrain: Human love. It's so glandular.

Also: Is Liz talking while she's got a mouthful of Arbuckle tongue?

Panel 3:
So the newspaper headline that graced the Garfield homepage the last 11 days, "COMIC STRIP SHOCKER!" turned out to be an elaborate mislead. It is certainly what passes for a major development in this strip about inaction, but if something is to "doom" Garfield, it will be the ramifications from a Jon/Liz union, not this sweet and wistful little ending.

And the moon cycle changes as we watch, the glands pulse, the cat grins at us, and two people enter a new phase. Did you feel a little warm tingle in your heart? Do you find Garfield's closing sentiment cute? It's not a fare-the-well, folks: it's a punchline. When Garfield stares through the fourth wall, lids half-closed, mouth twisted into predatory sneer, that's when our boy is telling The Truth through sarcasm. If you think anyone in Garfield lives happily ever after, you haven't been reading Garfield long. Two people enter a new phase that looks like happiness. Ever been in love? The glandular rush is a tide that masks a shoreline of bloody shipwrecks like you've never seen. Yah tah tah tah.

Jon's Horoscope: Day Eleven

Hey Birthday Boy! For once your dreams come true! Say goodbye to the last 28 mind-numbing years of frustration and loneliness and celebrate your manly manhood with the love of your life... and your cat. Today's lucky number: 28 (duh)

It is not for Permanent Monday to subject its delicate readers to graphic descriptions of the activity implied by "celebrate your manly manhood". I do not discourage you from mailing me detailed, detailed fanfic on the topic though. It is up to you if Liz asks Jon to wear his fake moustache.

It's very silly that the newspaper publishes a horoscope written for one specific man. More silly is the implication today that Jon is 28 years old just because the strip is 28 years old. This makes less sense than Garfield's one-to-one aging with the strip, because it means Jon wasn't even born when Garfield debuted. So on June 19, 1978, Garfield is a 30-pound newborn kitten and Jon is a talking fetus.

BL BL BL BL BL

Sometimes this dog has a bad rash, sometimes "he's fine." Also he looks like a brown cousin of Dennis the Menace's dog, Ruff, but I wouldn't worry about that... too much. I will be awake all night worrying about it for you.

For those not nerdy enough to know, the strip is a swipe of the hysterical ending of the 1945 Bugs Bunny cartoon "Hare Tonic", in which Bugs convinces Elmer he's come down with "Rabbititis", for no more reason than tormenting the poor bastard. "Hare Tonic" holds a special place in my heart because it disproves the older Chuck Jones' misguided theory that Bugs only reacts to those who have wronged him, and is never an aggressor: in "Hare Tonic", Bugs tortures Elmer for no offense at all. The young Jones and Jim Davis know that pure impish meanness is funnier than just desserts.

The title panel shows similar nasty Garfield behavior: he's either too lazy to move the pillows off the couch, or too arrogant to obstruct a view of his name, even for physical comfort.

Weird Three Stooges reference in final panel adds little besides making me retroactively give the dog a Curly Howard voice.

Give My Umbrella to the Rain Dogs

For the non-pros in the audience, the top tier of a Sunday comic strip is frequently hacked off by newspaper editors for space-saving purposes or reasons of simple comics-hating orneriness. Thus do cartoonists either use the top panels for a throwaway gag or expendable exposition. Today Mr. Davis uses the top tier to present his traditional cleverly-customized Garfield title logo, followed by... the first panel repeated twice.

Right? WRONG! The raindrops and landscape behind our favorite mutt change enough to register to the naked eye, but Odie, too, has been re-drawn. Attempts (via Photoshop's powerful layer-opacity tools) to line-up the two drawings of Odie prove they are two separate pieces of art, though admittedly drawn with startling mechanical precision.

Again this week, Davis isn't interested in using the Sunday format to provide more content per se, but to take advantage of the sheer space available. The pacing of this gag is about how long it takes for very little to happen... and when something does happen, it's someone going the extra mile to wrong you specifically and intentionally... which is kind of a Garfield life-lesson in general.

Q's (A's not forthcoming)
Why is Garfield so very happy to see Odie in that penultimate panel?
Is Jon concerned that his pets have escaped to an enormous empty field?
... or is this some kind of existential metaphor?
Why is Garfield so very happy to be locked in a newspaper vending machine?
If I turn the title-panel picture on its side to make sense of the drawing, then the word "Garfield" is sideways. I guess that last one's not a question.

Meauman's Chinese Theater

I'm going to get conceptual here for a moment.

Sometimes Garfield does gags where the premise is to describe something outlandish happening off-panel. This is most often just Garfield watching a weird movie on TV, recounting something horrible he did to the mailman, or Jon describing how his date went wrong earlier that evening. In the arts, we call this "weak" as a narrative technique, and in the case of jokes, the joke can only be as strong as your ability to write vivid and absurd images.

Since there is an animated feature called The Brave Little Toaster...
Since there are any number of singing household appliances and furniture in Academy Award winner Beauty and the Beast...
I see Jon saying he loves animation, but has he ever seen any? None of this sounds like particularly "weird" content for a cartoon.

Q: Is horror the proper reaction? Is the theater empty because the movie is bombing, or so the Paws team doesn't have to draw a crowd? Why did they leave Odie at home? Is this some kind of joke about the dancing animals in a conga line during the Garfield and Friends theme song?

MacGarfield Park is Melting in the Dark

... And now we're back in the park. As long as the week was going to end back in the park with Jon pestering women, why did he go home for a few days (hours?) in between? I guess to drop off Garfield. What is the weather like in Indiana that in the same week one woman can wear an evening dress on a power walk but another has to wear a turtleneck sweater and Capris?

... And O.M.G., she's reading Jon's yearbook!

As always, I like Jon's chipperness regarding the dating scene. Jon's depression seems to center around his home-life, and the generalized existential wasteland of the Garfield universe. When Arbuckle's around the ladies, he's like Wile E. Coyote. Does J.A. really think he has E.S.P? Unclear! Please please please let Garfield spiral off into a Dead Zone-derived plot about how Jon has ESP but can foresee only violence and destruction. I'm sure it would be a tonic to his problems if Jon could have a vision of Garfield's death.

Also: Is panel 3 the biggest word balloon in Garfield history? Must research. The terseness of Jon's pickup line ("I HAVE ESP") contrasts well with Blonde Lady's rant, and both draw welcome attention to Garfield's stubborn refusal to use periods at the end of sentences.

Also, also: What percentage of Garfields do not feature Garfield at all? We all must research.

Looks 10, Jon 0

I didn't realize the "Hitting on Girls in the Park" was going to be a running story this week. Also "excess of motion lines" will appear in today's strip.

Again, Jon's utter denial when it comes to rejection by women seems less "dumb" to me than "dangerously delusional." Based on Arbuckle's recoil surprise-take in panel 2, some part of him must know he's being insulted. Meanwhile, Garfield is ashamed because Jon can't get laid. Is Jon trying to maintain his cool in front of his cat?

I fully understand why any red-blooded American man would take a chance with this dish. I had no idea public parks were frequented Veronica Lodge lookalikes who go for walks in matching heels, evening dress and big plastic purple earrings. Good cripes, please investigate her crotch definition! That dress is not only impossibly form-fitting, but some colorist's erotic imagination went nutzo, and it's also very verrry shiny. Especially on the boobs... and ass... and... it's like she swaddled her lady-parts in SaranWrap.

Yellow Sky on Monday

Jon has a zit on his forehead? I've always kind of wondered how Jon is supposed to look within the Garfield reality, because every other character is drawn just as weird. It's a game rule that Jon is dorky-looking, just like Liz is pretty and Garfield is fat - even though Liz is definitely not pretty and Garfield isn't any proportionally fatter than most other characters.

Garfield is apparently three feet tall, however, his height rising up well above Jon's waist.

Is Seinfeld the source of this kind of comedy, where the minute nuances of social interactions are dissected and their varients labled, categorized and endlessly sweated-over? Since George Costanza is just a Garfield rip-off anyway, it's good to see some give and take. Garfield should lead the way in American humor, not follow!

The saddest part is that a girl was probably flirting with Jon and he immediately freaks out, thinking she hates him. Now why would Jon be confused about people sending mixed messages of affection and judgment? Does he know someone who treats him that way? Hmm...