MaxiJon Overdrive

A woman tried to murder Jon. I don't think there's many other strips besides your weirdo alternative web comics that hinge gags on the attempted homicide of the main character. Then again, I don't read Marmaduke every day, so I could be wrong.

In this case, though we don't witness the scene, the situation probably wouldn't even be funny if we did. It would just be horrifying. Instead we are treated to this funny retelling, in which Jon looks depressed because his quest for love has failed, but also exhausted from running away from someone trying to run him down in a truck.

Garfield: not concerned for his owner's life, the cat just sees an opportunity to make fun of Jon's romantic track record.

How Can Jon Hang ANYTHING Off His Tiny Nose?

Jon Arbuckle: painfully self-aware of his own problems, totally oblivious to his goony behavior and its impact on others.

Garfield: not at all an expert on how to get along with people, and demonstrating no interest in the opposite sex whatsoever, but still willing to mock others for their social failures.

Why, it's a friendship dynamic made for the comics page!

Jon tells us about the wacky, gross shit he pulled at the restaurant, but we aren't privy to witnessing the scene. Lately Garfield has tended to go for the verbal description of a crazy sight-gag, whereas in the '80s Davis would more frequently show us Garfield with a banana in his mouth, tomatoes in his eyes and two celery stalks poking out his ears, pretending to be a Martian. I chalk this evolution to the gradual winnowing of Garfield to its elemental core: a guy and a cat at a table.

NYPD Orange

A. If I were Jon's date, I would have him arrested for lapels that stick up over his shoulders.

B. Garfield, I guess, is making fun of Jon for knowing he's dull. But really, it's Jon's self-awareness that makes his plight that much more horrible... and funny.

C. Once again, though Jon's date is trying to indicate something is wrong with his personality, all she ends up doing is demonstrating her possible insanity. You're not supposed to think about it, to make the joke work, but in the reality of the strip, the woman actually did call the police and tell them her date was boring. That means she is a crazy person.

Meowmeows of an Invisible Man

Indeed Garfield didn't "say" anything, but he laughs aloud in panel 2, which is always unsettling. Jon's barely-stifled anger and willful denial that he was stood up are clear in his clenched claw-hand. So though it might be weird that a man is yelling at his cat in frustration over his rejection, at least here it's justified: the cat is laughing at him.

Part of me wishes Jon had been so delusional as to go ahead and continue his date with an invisible woman, conversing with her over dinner and insisting on buying a meal for someone who isn't there. Another part of me likes that Jon feels the need to make excuses to his pets for being home on a Saturday night. Jon could, of course, point out that Garfield is also alone, and hasn't seen Arlene in more than a year.

Did I seriously check every Garfield strip for the past year to see if Arlene appeared? Of course I did. For you.

Splut Goes the Weasel

That's what you get for giving up on Ellen, Jon. Thank God he's not giving up on that automatic-wrinkling shirt, which is very funny comics shorthand.

Yes Garfield, Wendy is "clever." Her wordplay turnabout on old Jonny, however, required a convoluted setup in which Jon more or less handed Wendy the punchline on a platter. Because really, who besides Jon would compare his adorability to a non-specific animal, but get specific enough to say "small woodland creature"? When the comeback requires such an unnatural come-on, your wit is less Mad Magazine's "Snappy Answers to Stupid Questions" and more Cracked Magazine "Shut-Ups."

As Jon Lay Dying

Progressively wrinklier shirt: it adds visual stimulation, and enhances the sickening pathos of this gag about a man feigning terminal illness in failed exchange for affection! It's days like today that should be archived to remind the world that Garfield is the blackest thing on the American comics page. Take that, Boondocks!

It is very sweet that Garfield wants to tell Jon he sympathizes. It is typical Garfield that he just sprawls on the table like an undemonstrative orange blob, even while knowing Jon cannot hear the cat say he sympathizes. Thanks Garfield, because you know, this situation wasn't bleak enough.

Beyond the Pooky Principle

Jon's progress: mild anger -> rougishness -> tired. So tired. It is, however, awesome that Jon is admitting to himself (and his cat) that he is trying to trick a woman into going out with him.

Points to Paw-nder:

-This is the first time we've "heard" Ellen's voice through the reciever. I hope you are as excited as I am.

-Jon's shirt has that new automatic-rumpling feature to make you look extra-pathetic at a moment's notice.

-I hope Garfield's last thought is in an Austrian accent.

-Three people are talking in the third panel, making it as visually crowded as any Garfield panel in years.

An Arbuckle's Chance in Hell

This is going to go on for months, isn't it? Behold the only strip in the world that dares show us a man talking on the phone, next to his drowsing cat, for weeks on end.

I like when Garfield shifts the focus to Jon, but for the sake of a dozen blackout gags with the same punchline? Yes!

Panel 1: Jon's way of expressing slyness is to curl the corners of his mouth up between his eye and ear. Even pulling with my fingers, I can only get the corner of my mouth just up under my nose. It doesn't look like Jon's expression at all.

Panel 2: So has Ellen run out of her house without even taking time to hang up the phone? Or have Jon's "chances," as Garfield will explain, become anthropomorphized flesh, and evacuated? One is comedy, the other is Neil Gaimanesque fantasy-horror.

Panel 3: The slight pan right is to accommodate Garfield's thought bubble, but looks like it's a reveal of his butt, which is arguably a funnier joke.

These Friends of... I mean "Ellen"

Sorrow! Rage! Jon looks like he wants to punch that bitch... for not loving him! I'd really like to see Jon and Ellen go to the next level, too, because as far as I can tell, they've only spoken on the phone, and I can't wait to see her. She must like him though, because he's called every day this week... Hmm... Actually, maybe they are at the "next level," if not the final level to which all romances must aspire: it always ends with Ellen in silence, and Jon in despair or anger.

And God, it's great that Garfield chooses to insult Jon not for the topic of today's joke - which is Jon's failure at romance - but because in addition to being lonely, Jon looks like an idiot. Bonus cruelty at no extra cost. That's the Garfield promise.

The Ellen Quadrilogy

Jon's sudden turn to defeat in the last panel is so fast that it has to mean in the prior panels he is putting on a brave face. I do love the joke in which a man is mired in a situation going badly, and he grins and denies the pleasure cruise is sinking into an octopus pit.

Garfield, more than perhaps any other strip, does not make any pretense of a fourth wall. Here, Garfield does not even try to aim his rude thought for the day at Jon. It is for us. This is eerie in today's strip, because all the communication in this cartoon is not reaching its expected audience. Jon is blathering to Ellen falls only on his cat's ears, and Garfield doesn't even care to share his snottiness with Jon. Three characters are not talking to each other. The fourth, the reader, can only bear mute witness to this scene.

Bip Bip Boop

Gag panel: It's supposed to look like the line that composes Garfield as a drawing is spelling out his name. It looks more like his long, thin, prehensile right ear can form words.

Note 1: Jon and Garfield both look off-model today. Jon's philtrum/ mouth assemblage is not correctly placed, and Garfield's body parts look like a disassembled jumble. I do like how Jon looks not just disappointed in the final panel, but weary.

Note 2: This entire Sunday strip's content could be reduced to the bottom tier. I suppose the first two rows are for "pacing." Though do check out the first panel of the story proper: Jon isn't even expecting this call to go well. There is no hope on that man's face as he dials.

Note 3: Jon knows he screwed up. Garfield cracks a joke about Jon physically transforming into a monkey out of horniness... but neither of them seems to understand the real problem with Jon's simile. It's not that Jon has compared himself to a filthy simian who wants to gorge himself on female fruit. The problem is that Jon thinks he needs a simile to convey to a woman the extent of his desperation.

Note 4: Jon is lying. He just had a date yesterday.

Radio Filled the Arbuckle Star

Lest you saucier Garfield readers think for a moment that Jon is being euphemistic in panel two, there is no double-entendre listing under "bug zapper" in any slang dictionary.

Thankfully, though Jon made it far enough into a date that he could attempt a kiss, there is no ultimate change in the romantic status quo. Jon's situation is so familiar that at this point, we not only need no jokes about his plaid jacket and polka dot tie, but no character need even acknowledge the outfit.

Dental Hijinks: The urban legend of dental equipment picking up radio waves is a little hackneyed even for Garfield: kid's book author Daniel Manus Pinkwater used it in Fat Men from Space, and Lucille Ball used to claim that signals on her fillings helped apprehend Japanese spies in California. It is cool how the radio fillings are just the middle link in an increasingly absurd plot... though as in the best Garfield, the on-page action is a man talking to his cat at the table.

Hawai'iana: In slight cultural faux pas, Jon has mistaken a dance for a type of music. The musical song and chant of the hula is a mele. Garfield, meanwhile, upon hearing that his owner is endowed with this strange power, is inspired to eat. The slight zoom-in for panel 3 is most certainly just to fit longer word balloons into the panel, but is jarring and forces us to consider Garfield's gross overreaction, and his logic which goes: music from teeth -> late night feast.

MacGarfield Park is Melting in the Dark

... And now we're back in the park. As long as the week was going to end back in the park with Jon pestering women, why did he go home for a few days (hours?) in between? I guess to drop off Garfield. What is the weather like in Indiana that in the same week one woman can wear an evening dress on a power walk but another has to wear a turtleneck sweater and Capris?

... And O.M.G., she's reading Jon's yearbook!

As always, I like Jon's chipperness regarding the dating scene. Jon's depression seems to center around his home-life, and the generalized existential wasteland of the Garfield universe. When Arbuckle's around the ladies, he's like Wile E. Coyote. Does J.A. really think he has E.S.P? Unclear! Please please please let Garfield spiral off into a Dead Zone-derived plot about how Jon has ESP but can foresee only violence and destruction. I'm sure it would be a tonic to his problems if Jon could have a vision of Garfield's death.

Also: Is panel 3 the biggest word balloon in Garfield history? Must research. The terseness of Jon's pickup line ("I HAVE ESP") contrasts well with Blonde Lady's rant, and both draw welcome attention to Garfield's stubborn refusal to use periods at the end of sentences.

Also, also: What percentage of Garfields do not feature Garfield at all? We all must research.

At Play in the Garfields of the Lord

Jon went on a date and we didn't get to see it. Too bad. Jon's dates going wrong are always good strips, because we get to see that in the Garfield world, everyone is nuts. It's easy to forget when we don't see another human for months at a time.

I'm sure Garfield's remark is supposed to be sarcastic and/or rude, but it's also kind of equivocal; at least this Karen person was courteous. Jon looks angry or disappointed that he will not be seeing more of this woman (his expression changes are subtle but register a progression), but she sounds potentially codependent, so it's probably for the best.

The New Century cat design is getting more grotesque. Those massive clodhoppers are fucking insane, yes, but when did Garfield's arms (why bother calling them "front legs"?) become one inch long?!

In other curious news, I am concerned about Jon's lumpy back-fat. It's getting out of hand.

867-530Arbuckle

Q: As Mr. Blue asks in Reservoir Dogs, "how many 'please's is that?"
A: 15!

Thank God the phone is back to a reasonable lavender shade. However, now I'm concerned about the length of Garfield's forearms, which seem to change as needed for the gag. I'm pretty sure Davis swiped this way of drawing people leaning on surfaces, chin resting in hand, from the Peanuts strips where the kids hang out on a bridge. The difference being that children have elbows.

Cat anatomy lapses aside, note the mastery of comics temporality. The punchline is logically a few beats after the second panel. Jon and the woman have both hung up their phones in an unseen moment, but the rhythm of the joke shall not be abated! Garfield obeys no clocks.

Discussion questions: Does Jon ask Garfield to spot him when calling for dates, or does Garfield just enjoy watching the spectacle of Jon's failure? Because Garfield doesn't look like he's enjoying himself.

Can anyone read Jon's expression during the phone call? I call it "horror"! Were I not a Garfield fan, I might think Jon is making some observation about the strip as a whole: if you keep repeating the same thing ad nauseum, maybe someone will like you.

Looks 10, Jon 0

I didn't realize the "Hitting on Girls in the Park" was going to be a running story this week. Also "excess of motion lines" will appear in today's strip.

Again, Jon's utter denial when it comes to rejection by women seems less "dumb" to me than "dangerously delusional." Based on Arbuckle's recoil surprise-take in panel 2, some part of him must know he's being insulted. Meanwhile, Garfield is ashamed because Jon can't get laid. Is Jon trying to maintain his cool in front of his cat?

I fully understand why any red-blooded American man would take a chance with this dish. I had no idea public parks were frequented Veronica Lodge lookalikes who go for walks in matching heels, evening dress and big plastic purple earrings. Good cripes, please investigate her crotch definition! That dress is not only impossibly form-fitting, but some colorist's erotic imagination went nutzo, and it's also very verrry shiny. Especially on the boobs... and ass... and... it's like she swaddled her lady-parts in SaranWrap.

What's Garfield's Pantone Number?

Jon got a new mauve telephone, and there wasn't even a strip about it. And he bought a shirt the same color as Garfield's whisker pads.

There's a lot to dislike about having some hacks in upstate New York color everyone's comics. Doubtless, orders from PAWS are that everyone's fur and hair must be consistent, but after that - hey, if the table is pink yesterday and lavender today, who's gonna complain?

I think the monotonous limbo of the Garfield universe would be enhanced if colors were consistent in that undefined room with its unrealistic table. A cool thing about the Garfield and Friends show was how Jon's shirt was always the same blue (yes, VERY cool). That is, assuming the dailies should be colored at all. I was flipping through my trade paperbacks and remembering how ghostly the comic is in black and white, and how exciting the color-explosion was on Sundays. Now they'll just put Jon in a muzzle-color shirt - even though it's obviously drawn as the same shirt he always wears - just to keep things interesting. But a mauve phone? Things like this prevent one from decorating one's house like Jon's. By "one" I mean "me."

Synchronicity: My sister's name is Becky. I ran across a Calling For a Date Garfield yesterday where Jon called "Linda," my girlfriend's name. Somewhere in the deep tunnels of Calling For a Date episodes, Jon must have phoned every woman I know.

I am unclear in this strip if Jon is aware of what happened in his conversation with Becky. Jon is unswayed by rejection in the phone call strips, even though Garfield can deflate his confidence with no more than a withering look. That speaks volumes to how much value Jon puts in his cat's approval.