Tuesday, July 18, 2006

Best Week of Garfield Ever? Big Whoop!


P1: Jon's expression is.... freaked out, or wide-eyed excitement that he may be able to exploit a woman's illness for personal gain? Garfield: though mildly interested yesterday, now entirely bored with Ellen's trauma.

P2: Fun way to creep yourself out today: imagine what Ellen is doing on the other end of the line, and assume it involves frustrated screaming and weeping.

P3: Garfield's punchline is less a "joke" about amnesia than an "explanation" or "definition." Funnier is that Jon is updating Garfield on his phone conversation as it progresses.

BIG FAT HAIRY BREAKING NEWS!
What's going on at Garfield.com?! If you only read your Garfield here at Per-Mon, I suggest clicking over to PAWS Corporate. Something big is brewing in Muncie this week. The official site mainpage has a huge newspaper-headline splash panel that reads:
COMIC STRIP SHOCKER! GARFIELD'S LIFE CHANGES FOREVER! Read the Garfield comic strip and follow the unbelievable chain of events that unfold between now and July 28th!

The fundamental lack of all progress in narrative or character is one of the cornerstones of Garfield's take on modern life, but this sandbox-quaking announcement is making me break out in a cold sweat. Below the headline is a sidebar: "Read Jon Arbuckle's Daily Horoscope every day for hints."

Jon's Horoscope Analysis: Day One
The horoscope page leads to the following prognostication:
Remember to enjoy the little things in life - marbles, birdseed, pushpins. You are about to enter a fortunate phase where misery and boredom take a backseat to dumb luck and slightly less boredom. Today's lucky number: 16 3/4

Sorry to disappoint, but I say today's first Horoscope hints are all ballyhoo to fire us up for the 10-day thrill-copter about to crash into the Garfield world. For those of us that fear change in continuity, placate yourself by clinging to the words "fortunate phase". Surely we all agree the arc in question concerns Ellen, tricked by her head wounds into a creepy Regarding Henry-style romance. Jon's certainly had good dates and brief flings; the way of the Garfield universe is that those sweet moments end in misery. Ever seen how happy Garfield is while he's eating? Does that pleasure outweigh the misery of his obesity? Dumb luck is not the same as good choices, and I predict that's what Jon's going to learn in the next ten days.

In related news, there was once an awesome line of Garfield T-shirts, where Garfield is dressed as the Zodiac signs. The only one I have is the Leo shirt, in a XXL. I'm a Medium at best.

8 comments:

Anonymous said...

I'm curious about Garfield's caption, "I'm doomed!"

My guess: Ellen moves in with Jon and they end up throwing Garfield out into the street.

Josh Millard said...

Jon institutes a strict vegan diet in Chez Arbuckle. The conflict tears the happy house apart. Odie joins a cult, and Nermal shows up dead.

Murgatroid said...

My guess is that there will be a

NEW CHARACTER INTRODUCED!

A truly earth-shattering occurence in Garfield's tidy little world.

catastrophile said...

Perhaps dumb luck will come in the form of the destruction of the "date suit" -- forcing J-Arb to wear something non-migraine-inducing.

The stroke of luck could cause his jaw to be wired shut, which would both inspire sympathy in his date and prevent him from putting his foot in his mouth, not to mention showing his tongue.

catastrophile said...

Scratch both suggestions . . . he's wearing a headache and running his mouth. Nothing earth-shaking so far.

Matthew said...

CRISIS ON INFINITE GARFIELDS

Mark Jake said...

I thought it would have something to do with the phone and the wall staying basically the same color for two days/hours/however long a strip is in a row.

Flu-Bird said...

Self induced no doubt